(Rob) He’s the only thing keeping me alive right now, and i dont deserve him.
I cheated on him, i freaked out. (freaked the FUCK out) took too much speed, drank too much vodka, he passed out, and i got with someone else , then pretended i didnt like him.
so i stayed with this new guy(chris), try to like him the same way, tried to convince myself not to fuck things up AGAIN. so i told him id never hurt him, id never do anything bad, that i liked him.
I was gonna hold out, stay with him until after college, then go to wexford, and forget about boys for a bit. then i was gonna come back and see if Rob would try and forgive me.
But asoon as the opportunity arose again, i told him everything. and somehow, we have this mutual feeling for eachother, and we like eachother. I like him so much, i let him meet my mother. and allthough i told him on the night that we were going to loose all of our friends, i didnt think we would loose them all.
(especially as the exact same thing happened to him, and nothing really changed.)
i have to cause drama. not on purpose, accidently,
I dont know what to say. its complicated and hurtful, and everything is wrong
(except for rob..)
The pit of my stomach is churning, and i do feel like im going to puke if things get worse, or ill faint and pass out.
I CANT TAKE THIS. I CANT.
IM SORRY. I DONT MEAN IT TO BE LIKE THIS. I DONT MEAN FOR ME TO BE LIKE THIS.
I know this isn’t how i should be done. but this is how its going down.