The Sirens In My Sleep.

Little pinches of wisdom

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bookspaperscissors:

Ron Mueck is a London-based photo-realist artist. Born in Melbourne, Australia, to parents who were toy makers, he labored on children’s television shows for 15 years before working in special effects for such films as “Labyrinth,” a 1986 fantasy epic starring David Bowie. In the early 1990s Mueck was commissioned to make something highly realistic, and was wondering what material would do the trick. Latex was the usual, but he wanted something harder, more precise. Luckily, he saw a little architectural decor on the wall of a boutique and inquired as to the nice, pink stuff’s nature. Fiberglass resin was the answer, and Mueck has made it his bronze and marble ever since.

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Im going to make myself sick. Physically and emotionally.

(Rob) He’s the only thing keeping me alive right now, and i dont deserve him.

I cheated on him, i freaked out. (freaked the FUCK out) took too much speed, drank too much vodka, he passed out, and i got with someone else , then pretended i didnt like him.
so i stayed with this new guy(chris), try to like him the same way, tried to convince myself not to fuck things up AGAIN. so i told him id never hurt him, id never do anything bad, that i liked him. 
I was gonna hold out, stay with him until after college, then go to wexford, and forget about boys for a bit. then i was gonna come back and see if Rob would try and forgive me.

But asoon as the opportunity arose again, i told him everything. and somehow, we have this mutual feeling for eachother, and we like eachother. I like him so much, i let him meet my mother. and allthough i told him on the night that we were going to loose all of our friends, i didnt think we would loose them all.
(especially as the exact same thing happened to him, and nothing really changed.)

i have to cause drama. not on purpose, accidently,

I dont know what to say. its complicated and hurtful, and everything is wrong
(except for rob..)
The pit of my stomach is churning, and i do feel like im going to puke if things get worse, or ill faint and pass out.

I CANT TAKE THIS. I CANT.

IM SORRY. I DONT MEAN IT TO BE LIKE THIS. I DONT MEAN FOR ME TO BE LIKE THIS.